| Joanne Guest FAQ > Archives > Feb 1997 |
Technical note: This version of the FAQ is substantially as originally posted, except that I have removed all out-of-date URLs and email addresses.
The Joanne Guest FAQ: version 34B.24.34 "boiling potatoes"
==========================================================
Date posted: February 1997
Maintained by:
Snarkamedes <email address deleted>
HTML'ised version available from:
David R. Turner <email address deleted>
Material contributed by:
Armin Forker <email address deleted>
Caffeine Freak <email address deleted>
Maxwell Smut <email address deleted>
Tweet <email address deleted>
FHM
Loaded
X-Gen
[chance to add your name here folks]
... And, of course, thanks to Jo herself for providing such an
excellent point of.... 'discussion'.
Contents
--------
Credits and Acknowledgements
Contents
Jo's Vital Statistics
The Questions
List of Websites
Glossary of Technical Terms
Appendices
Updates and Version list
Jo's Vital Statistics
---------------------
Born: 22.2.72
Birthplace: Chesterfield, Derbyshire
Height: 5'5" (165cm)
Weight: 8.5 Stone (119pounds - 54kg)
Bust: 34B
Waist: 24
Hips: 34
Hair: Blonde (well it is now anyway... )
Eyes: Brown
Distinguishing
features: All-round goddess-like beauty, amazing
flexibility, and a mole at the base of her
spine (known as "The Holy Mole"). No silicon
implants or plastic surgery. Still single.
Chemical Symbol: Jo
Drinking Habits: By the gallon - apparently.
Known weaknesses: Pernod. (see X-Gen interview) :]
There was more info in a 1994 UK tabloid, the Sunday Sport, but as
the Sport is not a really reliable source, that article has been
relegated to the appendices.
The Questions
-------------
Q: Who is she?
Jo Guest is the type of British model known as the "glamour girl",
a group generally best known for their topless work in Britain's
tabloid newspapers, appearances at pubs/various events, singing
aspirations, and being caught out on the town canoodling with
married footballers, politicians, ambassadors, and each other.
Jo herself however has a more universal appeal, and a more
professional approach. Her agent (Samantha Bond - herself an
ex-glamour girl and I think she played Ms. Moneypenny in the movie
'Goldeneye') has stated in a Loaded interview that Jo was unusual
amongst glamour models as being able to work the whole range from
fully clothed fashion to the posed-with-men type pix because
"everyone wants her" [understatement of the year... ;) ] for their
modelling assignments.
She is in the top bracket of the glamour girls; god alone knows
what her hourly modelling rate is.
She has recently become famous[1] for her regular Mens World (in
the UK) and Picture (in Australia) appearances. Recently, Loaded
magazine has claimed to have discovered her as being the *next big
thing*. But then what do they know; the way they make predictions
we'll be seeing Big Fat Ron nekkid (and not Jo...) in their pages
come the end of the English football season.
And last but not least; Jo holds a private investigators license,
which is quite strange as you'd think her more likely to be 'the
other woman' herself, rather than the one who catches others in
such illicit liaisons... ;)
[1] The phrase "much lusted after" may be substituted for "famous".
Q: Where can she be found?
London. Oh, sorry - Jo has made magazine appearances in: Mayfair,
Loaded, Picture, (Australian) People, Men Only, Club International,
Mens World, Playboy, Hustler and Penthouse, just to name a few.
For the (more or less) complete listing hunt down and devour the
file compiled by Armin Forker. [see the URL's below]
She has appeared on UK TV Breakfast shows, "Shooting Stars" - a
British gameshow (where she apparently wowed them all with a
boiling potato impression? - photos required please <g>), and has
pranced around on a music video entitled "Country House" while
dressed as a nurse - this co-starred some yobs called 'Blur' or
something. She has also completely lost her head at the odd live
magic show .....
A video was recently made featuring her; a sort of 'a day in the
life of a page 3 girl' type expose in the Fiesta Model Profile
series - the blurb reads:
"Get to know bubbly Jo Guest as she takes you behind the scenes of
the glamour modelling game. Meeting model agents, preparing for a
shoot, and posing for the camera are all in a days work for
Britain's best-known model." A review, written by Maxwell Smut, is
included in this FAQ's appendix.
A Jo Guest CD 'game' was released from Interactive Girls - this is
the so called "Milk Round" game. It's very disappointing; pix of
Jo hidden behind an extremely boring front-end 'game' where you
search, seemingly endlessly, for her address. The pix are of a
disgustingly low resolution (nobody has even bothered capturing
and posting them....) and badly animated to boot. If you're that
desperate for Jo it can be ordered from any of the thousands of
Adult CD shopping sites on the WWW.
She appears on numerous picture collection type CD's as well, check
out the "Page3 Interactive" site for a typical example.
Q: I hear there are some pix of her available online?
In total there are about 1500+ images of Ms. Guest currently
floating around the internet (mainly jpegs) - a lot get regularly
(re)posted to the various a.b.p.e newsgroups. Especially notable
is Maxwell Smut's "Jo Guest Jamborees" flood of the a.b.p.e.blondes
group; thrice-yearly posted and taking 16 days to complete (he
rests on the 17th day...), they constitute his attempt to crush
usenet under the weight of all her pix. It gets very few
complaints. :)
TIP 1 (cheap option): If your newserver doesn't get the a.b.p.e
groups then use the Alta Vista search engine to look for;
' "jo guest" or "joanne guest" ' on usenet (type all within
the single quotes) - it'll return all the usenet articles
containing her name - including the ones with attached pics.
Right mouse click on the message subject and save the link
as a .uue file and decode it manually. Then joogle away.
This has to be done within a day (or two if lucky) of the
pix being posted or they disappear off AV's server.
TIP 2: [from Maxwell Smut] Anyone, anywhere can subscribe to
an offshore News Server like Super Zippo for US$39.95 for
6 months with every News Group and almost all the posts.
The URL is: <out-of-date URL removed>
The next major source for her pictures is the websites listed
below. They include a few weekly sites, a monthly site and other
'complete' archive types. A good selection of pix may be acquired
from them all.
E-mail is also a good source; a lot of trading of her pix is going
on. A simple request can often have the result of a mountain of
index files and a small but polite "Have you any new pix???"
message being e-mailed you.
'Emails stating "Send me *all* your Jo Guest pics!!" will be
summarily deleted by even the most reasonable Jo fan. Polite,
realistic (in terms of file numbers) requests work best.'
- Another Helpful hint from Maxwell Smut.
NB: There are no known fake nudes of Ms Guest[2]... - but only the
members of the JO.G.G.IN.G 'Inner Pentangle' know the secret signs
by which the reversed pics can be identified. ;)
[2] But there is a fake oral sex pic; it is entitled "jogu0201.jpg"
and was posted to a.b.e.p.blondes in February, showing Jo and the
male model in a lot closer contact than normal.... The pic it was
adapted from is jog0160.jpg from the 'Cafe Lust' series - check
them out side by side, it's really quite well done.
Q: Where's all her hard-core stuff at then!!???!!!
We haven't found any such pix online yet so it's very probable that
they don't exist off the net either. If they did exist you'd have
to expect that some of them would have been found, scanned and
posted by now.
The majority of models who do hard-core find it difficult to find
regular modelling work again due to the stigma attached - you're
always known forever after as only a porn star. So even Jo with her
seemingly infinite flexibility (in both physical [see the pix!] and
career terms) couldn't manage it, and probably wouldn't, given that
her star[3] is currently on the rise.
Please note: the oral sex fake mentioned above is fairly obvious so
it doesn't really count.
[3] Her star-sign being either Pisces or Pernod.....
Q: What's with all these different pics all having the same
filename?
This is a problem. On the majority of the sites listed below the
pix have usually all been renamed to the ubiquitous "jo1.jpg", and
so on, from their equally original filenames. This can get
annoying when trading Jo's images with others, so to this end the
following solution has been offered by Armin Forker (but anything
close should do):
Issue No.(1-9,a-d)
|
Source Magazine code | No. of scans
\ | /
-- - -
Filename --> aayyi#?s.jpg
-- - -
/ | \
Year or Volume no. | Scanner's ID (eg. X=Xanlithe)
|
No. of pic in series (1-9,a-z)
The Source codes (she's a really busy girl)
BL Barely Legal CA Cats
CC Chic CH Club Pour Hommes
CI Club International (US) CL Club International (UK)
FH FHM FX Fox
HK Hawk HU Hustler
KN Knave LE Leo (Czech)
LO Loaded MD Model Directory
MF Mayfair MO Men Only
MW Men's World P3 Page 3
PB Playboy PE People (Australian)
PH Penthouse PI Picture
SW Swank SX Picture Sextra
VE Velvet WO World
XN Xnet
TV TV stills
Best of's: ??B##*.*
(for example: Best of Mayfair 14: mfb14*.*)
This might sound a little silly at first, but just wait till you
have over a thousand or more pix of her taking up humongous amounts
of space on _your_ disk drives.... ("Which one of the five
jo27.jpg's were you wanting again???") Another good reason is for
all you scanner-freaks out there, it'll give you an idea if a
particular series has already been done or not.
Q: What's the deal with Jo and Loaded?
Well, basically Jo sells their magazine for them - they feature her
constantly. Specifically they are running a competition involving
the results of one of the English Premier Leagues annually
struggling clubs, Coventry City. Ron Atkinson is the manager of
Cov [or rather *was*, he was given the boot late 1996 - Loaded up
to date as usual] so Loaded decided they'd have some fun at his
expense. The deal went like this; for every game Cov lost, they're
featuring pix of Jo taking her gear off in the magazine, but
(here's the catch) if Coventry won it would be Big Fat Ron
stripping instead. This is quite an incentive.
They also made it a challenge to all Cov's Premier League opponents
to do their best to beat them. The situation is looking quite good
except that Cov are starting to win a few under their new manager..
.... :P
Q: How did she get involved in nude modelling?
You'd best read her FHM interview - she describes her first
modelling assignments there herself. She started out with the
local amateur photographers, then went through topless work to
eventually end up doing full nudes. I believe her first published
magazine appearance would be for Mayfair, Volume 27 Issue 7 (1992).
Q: Where can I find these interviews you're quoting so prolifically
from?
Jo has featured now in several UK publications. The FHM interview
is still available at their site (URL below) and the X-Gen one has
been pirated by the "Games Animal", an online computer gaming site,
and re-edited to make it look as though they asked her the
questions. [Evidence she's becoming big news in the UK - you must
lie cheat and steal to get an interview with her.] She has also
featured in several News of the World (NOTW) articles which seem to
concentrate more on her love life (see next Question).
A new magazine has come out in the UK called "XNet" (focusing on
the adult side of the internet), on it the cover CD contains a 25MB
avi file featuring an interview and scenes of Jo at work.
Jo also appeared on the cover of the January (1996) Loaded under
the banner "The Shape of Things to Come." I presume there's an
article inside - can someone get busy with a scanner and OCR
software here? :)
And finally, some of Maxwell Smut's jog series jpegs contain
readable articles from the Australian Picture and People magazines
as well.
Q: Amazing! She's still single - how can this be!
From the FHM interview: "In fact, she's only had one sexual
relationship in the last three years, and that was a short-lived
liaison with Phil Babb, the Liverpool stopper...", but he dumped
her because apparently, she was wearing him out... this comes from
a 'News of the World' article, so we know it's *all* true. It was
entitled "My Extra-Time Loving Ruined Phil's Ball Control." Truly
a tabloid amongst tabloids... ;P
I haven't included this just to start a Phil Babb Hate Group.
<teehee> This article has been scanned in by (yet again) Mr Smut
as two jpegs labelled jonews1 and jonews2. Nobody has yet mustered
the energy to type or scan it as a text file.
Again from her FHM interview Jo said she prefers skinny, dark
haired men who are "intelligent and not boring". The vast majority
of us hope, of course, that this is just a ruse. >;D
Q: Has Jo got a fan club?
One is in the process of forming. See Tweet's site for more
information or e-mail him at <email address deleted> if you can
help.
Q: Is there a mailing list or newsgroup?
I am running (on a trial basis only) an irregularly posted
newsletter (the JOGGING list) for disseminating news about our fav
glamour babe. There are only two conditions; NO binaries and _no
bloody poetry!_[4]
E-Mail me (Snarkamedes <email address deleted>) if you wish to
have your e-mail address added to the list. Please be assured that
it won't be passed on to spam artists or suchlike as I loath them
more than sad, lousy, PC poetry.
A charter is being currently written for a Jo Guest newsgroup (to
be called alt.binaries.pictures.joanne-guest). There was mention
for the proposal of an alt.fan.page3 some time ago but that
unfortunately appears to have disappeared without trace.
[4] I am well aware that there are lots of words that rhyme with
both 'Jo' and 'Guest' and I'm damn sure we don't need to see them
neatly laid out in iambic pentameter. ;)
Q: Are there any sites devoted, nay, yet, dedicated to her?
Despite FHM claiming there are very few locations featuring Jo,
(from their Top 100 babes survey) Our Lady of the Eternal Boiling
Potatoes Impression may be found at the following sites....
[** Please note that none of these are paysites (although William
Cooper's does expect you to pay for the full-sized images; which
is only fair as he's a pro photographer).]
List of Websites
----------------
[Reviews (or plugs) for these sites would be welcomed.....]
Alex Wilson's Unofficial Jo Guest Homepages: *** NEW ***
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Another Jo homepage with "unofficial" in the title. ;)
C Russell's Page 3 Girls site:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Currently expanding to include more page3 girls.
Dan's Page of Babes (no nudes):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Features 36 pix of Jo, with all the naughty bits snipped out.
Dukester's Jo Guest page:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Dukester's site is now growing.
Goodstuff:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Large site with the Jo Guest section in the 'Porn Star' menu...
It appears that the images change monthly.
Jazzcat's:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Fast becoming the new megapix collection of the Jo sites. Now
introduced with the phrase "Welcome to Jazzcat's Boiling
Potatoes". :)
The Jo Guest Network Page (pix change weekly):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Tweet is starting a Jo Guest fan network/archive site - details
are on his page.
Jo's magazine appearances list(compiled by Armin Forker):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Now includes handy thumbnails for easier reference.
Obi's Tame Joanne Guest Pictures Page: *** NEW ***
<out-of-date URL removed>
- 9 pages of mainly non-nude Jo pix. He does have a gif of her
autograph tho'. (Jealous? Who, me?) ;)
Other Models Gallery (Cindy Crawford Shrine): *** NEW ***
<out-of-date URL removed>
- 3 pix of Jo in what appears to be a calendar type format.
Page 3 Supermodels: *** NEW ***
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Dedicated to Page 3 girls from the last 25 years.
"Stars" site:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Features other babes as well.
Stulf's site: *** NEW ***
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Stulf appears to have a large no. of pix and is willing to trade
by e-mail.
Unofficial Jo Guest Archive (pix change weekly):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Fast loading site with 5 pages changing weekly. Also contains a
mov file (needs the Apple Quicktime viewer) which shows a few
still photos of Jo.
William Cooper (glamour photographer):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- A professional photographer who has worked with Joanne. The site
isn't dedicated to Jo herself but he does offer pix of her for
sale. Please note that he threatens legal action if you don't
purchase copyright of his pix first!
... and the not so dedicated .............
Cols Bond Girls: *** NEW ***
<out-of-date URL removed>
- not a paysite, but Adult Check verification is needed to get in.
Pix of Jo have only just been added here.
European Computer Trade Show site:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- The expo is over but it appears that Jo losing her head was pure
magic (2 pix).
FHM online:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- The interview is still online.
Games Animal (online computer gaming mag):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Contains the appropriated X-Gen interview.
Littlewoods (UK football pools people):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- The betting fraternity appear to be getting ready for something
too. [ Odds: 1-2 on she ends up taking her clothes off..... ;) ]
Page 3 (changes daily):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- A new page 3 girl daily - occasionally Jo features here and she
must be in the archives somewhere.
Page 3 Interactive:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Is it down? It hasn't changed for months now...
Paul Raymond Publications Site:
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Currently down with "technical difficulties". They really are
missing the (internet) boat here.
Uploaded (vote in babe poll):
<out-of-date URL removed>
- Another poll for determining the current top totty. If Jo is in
the top two for another month she gets placed in the 'Crumpet
Hall of Fame', so GET VOTING! They are also running a photo
caption competition with first prize being a Jo Guest mousemat.
Glossary of Technical Terms
---------------------------
a.b.p.e. - alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.[insert fav group here]
A subset of usenet where all the naughty people hang out.
Be My Guest (BMG) - her Mens World pictorials
Big Fat Ron (BFR) - best left undiscussed
FAQ file - Frequently Asked Questions list
You're reading it, stupid.
Holy Mole, The - Jo has it, just at the base of her spine
It's a great way of identifying her if you can't quite see
enough of her other recognisable features (ie. face, norks) in
the picture.....
JO.G.G.IN.G - JO Guest Graphics INternational Group (Grope?)
There are hundreds of you out there. Used as in "Let's go
JOGGING!" Also the title for the newsletter.
joogling - "oogling of Jo Guest"
Very technical and kinda hard to explain, extra points are
awarded for spotting her mole and for noticing if the pic has
been mirrored.
jpeg (or jpg) - Joint Picture Experts Group
A graphics file forma - the best one for scans of photographs.
Loaded - English monthly mens mag (not quite top shelf material)
Once described as "the mens mag for men who don't want to be
seen buying real w**k mags." Mention it with derision. :)
Mens World (MW) - definitely a top shelf mag
Featured Jo as the regular girl in every issue since Volume 5,
No. 3 (1993) in the "Be My Guest" pictorial.
"norks" - australian slang for 'gazongas'
NOTW - News of the World
A UK tabloid newspaper - the very epitome of all that is honest
and decent about British journalism.
Picture - top class Aussie magazine.....
Jo answers the reader's letters (well it's supposed to be her
anyway..) ;)
Uploaded - online version of Loaded
URL - Uniform Resource Locator
An internet WWW "address".
usenet - public message forum on the internet
WWW - World Wide Web (see URL)
APPENDIX 1: The Fiesta Model's Profile Video (review by Max Smut).
~~~~~
Review of the "Fiesta Model Profile - Joanne Guest" video
I am sure you will all be quite envious that I have finally
received my copy of the above video from the UK. So I thought I'd
do a review just to rub it in!
As a dedicated Jo fan I found this tape sensational. It seems to
date from early 1995 so Jo was probably only just coming into her
great popularity.
The opening scenes are of Jo in the studio posing while a
reasonable soundtrack plays. Some of the poses here and in other
parts of the video are clearly recognisable as shoots that have
been scanned and put on the Net.
The second section of the video is an extended interview with Jo.
You never see the (male) interviewer. The questions go through her
background, likes and dislikes, hobbies and modelling career. She
rattles off an impressive list of countries in which she has
worked. In one of her replies she confirms her birth data as in
Snark's FAQ (thank god for that eh Snark?). Maybe someone could
transcribe the interview but I'm not volunteering at this stage.
In this section Jo is fairly rigid on the couch (as was I! Oh dear,
did I say that? ;-) ). She was pretty serious in answering the
questions but regularly lightened the proceedings with a fantastic
1000 watt smile if she lost it making an answer.
Next part sees Jo get a lot more relaxed talking about something
she is familiar with and accustomed to discussing - her model
Portfolio! This was a mix of fashion and nude photos and Jo
engagingly discussed each one. She seemed to be a little fixated on
hair, lips and appearances (hers that is) but I suppose that is
just shop-talk for a model. The discussion was filmed from an angle
above Jo's shoulder looking down at the Portfolio in her lap. More
than once I had trouble focussing on the Portfolio pictures as Jo's
dress slipped down revealing her right nipple!
Then it was on to location shooting with some poncy photographer -
interesting but a bit labourious. I could see from this section why
Jo stated earlier that during a shoot she likes to feel "sexy" but
has never got "turned on" - it's too much bloody hard work and in
one session she's up very early to catch the morning light and
sitting down, sans knickers, on a cold marble bench.
And so it ends. "Awwwww...." I hear you say!
My rating of the video: 10 out of 10 - a must for a Jo fan. Plenty
of nude Jo (though no detailed close-ups) and quite a bit of
background on the lady.
~~~~~
APPENDIX 2: Info from the Sunday Sport "Page 3 Probe"
The Sport only usually publishes new girls, and the picture that
accompanied this article was the first time they'd shown a girl
twice in their pages.
Joanne Guest
Age: 22 [this is from 1994]
Statistics: 36-24-35
Home: Chesterfield
Hobbies: Swimming and tennis
Best Turn On: Muscular blokes who take care of their bodies
Favourite Colours: Pink, Red
Favourite Clothes: Short skirts and revealing tops
Favourite Food: Exotic salads
Favourite Female Film Star:
Robin Williams in Ms Doubtfire
Favourite Male Film Star:
Robin Williams in everything else
Favourite Movie: You've guessed it, Mrs Doubtfire
Favourtite Male TV Star:
Jeremy Brett in Sherlock holmes
Favourite Female TV Star:
Joanna Lumley
Favourite TV Show: The Clothes Show
Favourite Music: Michael Bolton, he just turns me on
Favourite holiday Spot:
Greek islands
Pet Hate: Rude shop assistants
Bad habits: Forgettting my appointments
First Sex: Wouldn't you like to know!
Ambition: to be invited to a Royal Garden Party
What do you normally do on a Sunday:
Laze in bed, it really is my day of rest
Updates and Version list
------------------------
proto-FAQ: version 34B.24.34 "blonde"
Started with: stats, q & a, initial 19 websites, glossary.
version 34B.24.34 "norks" (January 1997)
Removed Planet Manchester and the Big Archive (both shut down).
Added the magic show URL. Corrected some of the other URL's and
added the warning for William Coopers site, some more info and
tips for newbies.
version 34B.24.34 "boiling potatoes" (February 1997)
Added new sites - and finally got around to alphabetising the
web sites list. Included info for the html'ised version,
JOGGING list and newsgroup proposal.
If you have any new info for the FAQ, or just want to correct any
glaring mistakes, please e-mail me <email address deleted> with
whatever you have.
~~~
Well, that's what the FAQ looked like in February 1997. If you want to see the up-to-date version, click here.
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