PRODUCT WARNING
===============

Warning:
This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe,
including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional
to the product of the masses, and inversely proportional to the distance
between them.

Handle with extreme care:
The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million
tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Caution:
This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at
velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Consumer notice:
Because of Heisenbergs' patented "uncertainty principle", it is
impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely
where the product is and how fast it is moving.

Caution:
There is an extremely small but non-zero chance that, through a process
known as "tunneling",this product may spontaneously disappear from its
present location and reappear at any random place in the universe,
including your neighbours' domicile. The manufacturer will not be
responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.

Please read before opening package:
According to certain suggested versions of the grand unified theory, the
primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness
within the next four hundred million years.

This is a 100% matter product:
In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in
any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.

Public notice as required by law:
Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the
amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied
herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to
the heat death of the universe.

Note:
The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a
"glueing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive
power can not therefore be permanently guaranteed.

Attention:
Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer
is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999%
empty space.

New Grand Unified theory disclaimer:
The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product
is ten-dimensional. However, the consumer is reminded that this confers
no legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional
objects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up" into such a
small "area" that they cannot be detected.

Please note:
Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not
directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist
only in a vague and undetermined state.

Component equivalency notice:
The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc..) comprising this
product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those in the
products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may
legitimately be expressed or implied.

Health warning:
Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its' weight is
dependant on its' velocity relative to the user.

Important notice to users:
The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day
collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another
universe subsequently re-emerge, the existance of this product in that
universe cannot be guaranteed.

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