THE GURU SONG (With profuse apologies to Flanders and Swann) I'm a Guru: G.U.R.U. I'm not just an "authority", thank you. I'm a Guru, I'm a Guru, You'll find me in a copy of Who's Who. I'm a Guru, I'm a Guru, Call me merely a "consultant" and I'll sue. Gnor am I in the least like that awful "expert" beast. Gno, gno, gno, I'm a Guru.